Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Posted by: Physics Geek at 03:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 345 words, total size 2 kb.

Harvey posted a quick fix to a problem that I'm certain fellow MuNuvians have experienced: inability to retrieve the trackback URL for a post. Being the geeky sort of dork that I am, I'd already figured it out for myself, but didn't post about it because I'd assumed everyone already knew it.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. My wife feels the same way. She reminds me frequently that other people's brains do not work the same way that mine does, to which the proper response is "Thank goodness."

Anyway, it's kind of cool, so check it out.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 104 words, total size 1 kb.

Another security flaw that allows someone to take over control of your computer, huh? Why can't Microsoft make regular errors in their programs? Things that force you to reboot your computer occassionally, or lockup your keyboard, or simply stop functioning? Oh wait, Microsoft still has those errors in addition to the more egregious security flaws. Isn't that special?

Words for the future today: embrace the Penguin.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:40 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 70 words, total size 1 kb.

From Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Excerpt:

The American male is broken, and in his own brokenness, he is compromising his marriage and crippling his children. Immersed in a culture which is obsessed with success through competition, he is trained to forever feel like a failure. Rather than peering inside himself to discover his own unique gifts, he stares in front to see who has surpassed him, and behind, to see who is gaining on him.

The modern American male has little self-esteem and is a muddle of broken dreams. He lives in a society resembling not a circle, in which all are treated more or less as equals, but a pyramid, in which only a tiny few are perched at the top and the overwhelming majority are made to feel that they are at various stations of the bottom.

He is painfully aware that the recognition and respect of his peers will not come from assisting his kids with homework, or remaining faithful to his wife. All around him, the culture glorifies men who have built businesses even as they have abandoned wives, like Jack Welch and Donald Trump. Treating his co-workers with dignity will never bring him into the Forbes 400. Reading his children a bedtime story will not get him an invitation to the White House.
...
Bereft of inspiration, he fails to inspire his children. He does not parent them so much as admonish them. So they are reduced to searching for substitute heroes, and like him, they become TV addicts. The company of friends soon becomes far more fulfilling than their father's company, further isolating parent from child.

The great tragedy of this daily scenario is the fact that all along this man was a hero, only he never saw it. He got up every day to feed his children. He struggles with temptation, yet came home to his wife. But that never made him feel good about himself, because he bought the lie that a man is only important if he is rich or famous.

Read it all.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:32 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 346 words, total size 2 kb.

I knew that San Francisco was run by idiots, but I didn't expect the actual residents to be stupid enough to vote against their own interests. Silly me. Anyway, it looks like almost 60% of San Fran residents voted to make owning a handgun illegal. After the civilization meltdown during the Katrina aftermath, you might have thought that even the liberal-pinko-commies would have given some thought to self-preservation. You'd be wrong. Here is Neal Boortz's take on it:

The voters of San Francisco, that's who. By a 58% to 42% margin they voted to make the ownership of a handgun illegal in San Francisco, and to require that every resident of San Francisco who owns a handgun to turn it in to the government by April 1st. April 1st, by the way, is more commonly known as "April Fool's Day." Even voters in San Francisco should be bright enough to figure out that law-abiding citizens will be the ones to turn over their guns, while the lawless, the criminal element, will not. The number of guns in the hands of law abiding citizens will go down. The number of guns in the hands of criminals will not.

It is particularly amazing that 58% of the San Francisco voters would support this foolish measure after New Orleans. San Francisco faces the prospect of a natural disaster far worse than Katrina. Do the people of San Francisco think that the criminal element will just stay home and behave after the earthquake hits? There will be no violence? No looting? After the experience of the victims of the lawless in New Orleans it is hard to believe that any logical group of Americans would voluntarily disarm. But ... I did say logical, didn't I?

Here's a question: how many people actually believe that all of the gun-owning liberal wussies in the city(there are bound to be large number, despite the local politics) will voluntarily give up their guns? I'm going to guess that the number is low. Certainly much lower than the actual number of legal handguns currently owned in SF.

Look for San Francisco to become the Britain of the Left coast. Criminals will be able to rob, maim and kill with impunity. Any citizen caught defending himself will be punished severly.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:21 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 390 words, total size 2 kb.

Time to forget politics for a while and get back to what's really important: football.

A couple of years ago, I instituted the Beat The Geek football picks. I think that it's time to pick up where I left off. Mid-season my seem like a funny time to get started, but it's better than never.

Last week: 11-3

Season record: 91-39

Picks for last week
---------------------

wrong Atlanta 17 10 Miami
correct Carolina 34 14 Tampa Bay
correct Cincinnati 21 9 Baltimore
correct Detroit 14 27 Minnesota
correct Houston 14 21 Jacksonville
correct Oakland 23 27 Kansas City
correct San Diego 31 26 NY Jets
wrong Tennessee 14 20 Cleveland
correct Chicago 20 17 New Orleans
correct NY Giants 24 6 San Francisco
correct Seattle 33 19 Arizona
correct Pittsburgh 20 10 Green Bay
correct Philadelphia 10 17 Washington
wrong Indianapolis 40 21 New England

I'll have my picks in sometime on Friday. Feel free to try and beat me. No prizes for winning, just that warm sense of satisfaction that comes from a skill that's useless outside of Vegas.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:22 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 192 words, total size 1 kb.

Turns out that it's good for you, too. Beer, that is. Excerpt:

"Mmmm Â… beer."

This oft-repeated sentiment of Homer Simpson is a mantra for the millions of beer drinkers in the United States. As popular as beer is, however, it often has gotten a bad rap as a calorie-loaded beverage that only serves to create paunchy beer bellies and alcohol-fueled lapses in judgment.

But that negative image may begin to fade: Research is showing that beer could join the ranks of other guilt-inducing but wildly popular foods — chocolate, coffee and red wine — as a possible disease-fighter.

It turns out that beer hops contain a unique micronutrient that inhibits cancer-causing enzymes. Hops are plants used in beer to give it aroma, flavor and bitterness.

The compound, xanthohumol, was first isolated by researchers with Oregon State University 10 years ago. Initial testing was promising, and now an increasing number of laboratories across the world have begun studying the compound, said Fred Stevens, an assistant professor of medicinal chemistry at Oregon State's College of Pharmacy.

Earlier this year, a German research journal even devoted an entire issue to xanthohumol, he said.

What Stevens and others are discovering is that xanthohumol has several unique effects. Along with inhibiting tumor growth and other enzymes that activate cancer cells, it also helps the body make unhealthy compounds more water-soluble, so they can be excreted.

I wonder if alcohol is one of the unhealthy compounds of which they speak? Then again, who cares?

Thanks to blogless friend Jeff for the link.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 269 words, total size 2 kb.

Despite one poll showing Kaine with an 8-point lead over Kilgore, I predict that tomorrow's VA gubenatorial election will be decided by 1-4 points. And despite Potts pulling a robust 4% from Kilgore's column today, I also predict that most of those voters will end up pulling the lever for Kilgore. And, for what it's worth, election polls traditionally underestimate the votes for a Republican. However, that usually happens at the federal level, not the state level. So here's my prediction:

Kaine: 48%
Kilgore: 47%
Potts: 1%

Kaine benefits from a popular Democrat governor, although that popularity is, as far as I can tell, undeserved. To his credit, Mark Warner has been a pretty moderate Democrat, which is the only type that this state will elect, except for the I-promise-I-won't-raise-taxes-so-what-I-did broken promises on taxes. However, the Republican majority in the state legislature gets most of the blame for that, and rightfull so, as the Democrats didn't have the votes to enact an increase without Republican help. There will be enough disaffected Republican voters who believe that it doesn't really matter who's in office anymore.

Update: After mulling over matters last night, I've decided to be a bit more optimistic based on several factors:

1) Back in 1989, Doug Wilder was predicted to blowout Marshall Coleman. He ended up winning by around 5,000 votes.

2) The 2004 national elections proved that Republicans could get out the vote as well, if not better, than the Democrats.

3) Mark Warner was up big in the polls against a tepid candidate who he had outspent by an enormous margin going into election day 4 years ago, but managed only a 4%-5% victory.

4) As I mentioned, Potts 4% in the polls won't translate into 4% of the actual voters. Many of those voters will end up voting for Kilgore.

5) Virginia is, buy and large, a pretty Republican state. Ask Joh Kerry how he did last year. I do understand the differences between state and federal elections, though.

I'm callling it a tossup.

One caveat: Virginia voters should beware the dreaded Democrat bias in early exit polls. Around 3:00 p.m. on election day last year, John Kerry thought that he was president. I can already the NBC/CBS/ABC/CNN talking heads trumpeting "IT'S OVER!!!!" before the polls close, which would make some people simply avoid voting altogether.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 395 words, total size 2 kb.

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."

Posted by: Physics Geek at 12:40 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 124 words, total size 1 kb.

It leads to experiments like this one: What is the Ultimate Jell-O® Shot?

This experiment shows promise as well. Paraphrasing an old line from Dennis Miller: I wear two condoms all of the time and, when I get ready to make love, I take one off, which makes me feel like a wildman. It's kind of like a batter in the on-deck circle swinging two bats so that one bat will feel light by comparison.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 81 words, total size 1 kb.

Mike has the latest draft of our living Constitution. Excerpt:

We hold these truths to be open to interpretation, that all Men, Wymyrns, Chyldryns, and Animals are created Equal and must remain exactly so throughout the course of their Lives, especially in an economic sense; that they are endowed by the Government of their Betters with certain negotiable Rights, ripe for Dialoguing, that among these are Life (in the Collective), Liberty (to a point), and the pursuit of Happiness (to be defined by us at a later date, and to specifically preclude the practice of Christianity and Judaism) –That to define these rights, Governments are instituted among Men by their Betters, deriving their absolute powers from the consent of the Enlightened, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of Individual Liberty, it is the Right of the Elite to expand it, and to institute new Rules incessantly, laying their foundation on such principles and organizing its powers as Political Correctness shall demand, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Seeming Surface Harmony and Balance with Gaia.
...
Bill of Malleable Particulars

Article [I.] Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of Christian or Judaic religion, or prohibiting the free exercise of Islamism, Wiccanism, or Paganism; or abridging the freedom of speech of the Enlightened, or of the Mainstream Press, such term understood to specifically exclude Wingnut Bloggers or any and all aggregations of Americans organized to redress grievances not involving Environmentalism, Racial Preferences, or any other Cause the Enlightened approves of (such aggregations hereafter to be known as Special Interests); or the right of the Enlightened to assemble and riot if necessary, in protest or other attempt to Speak Truth to Power, and to petition the Government for a redress of Imagined Grievances.

Article [II.] There is no Article II. There never was. Look, over there! A lion! No, really! Look!

Go there. Now.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:17 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 323 words, total size 2 kb.

You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:20 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 29 words, total size 1 kb.

What if everything you know is wrong? If this report has any truth to it, I'll have to unlearn a lot quantum physics. Then again, quantum physics was always my weakest course, as I preferred the more concrete stuff.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:04 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 45 words, total size 1 kb.

How does your boss stack up against this one?

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:50 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 15 words, total size 1 kb.

Guess what's going to be released on DVD this December 20? If you guessed the widescreen DVD of Serenity, you guessed right. YEEEAAARRGGGHHH!!!!

Uh, that last statement can be translated as "I've just pre-ordered my copy."

It's time for all of us Serenity/Firefly fans to start talking this up. Big DVD sales this Christmas season.

Update: Via Harvey comes some pictures from DragonCon, notable not for its excessive supply of geeks, but rather the photo of Jewel Staite someone was able to snap. Almost as cool as the signed photos of Elizabeth Gracen I got at Syndicon in 1998.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 09:21 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 111 words, total size 1 kb.

John Henke finally posts a followup to his review of left-wing blogs. This time, right-wingers are in his sights. Notable excerpts:

(1) Instapundit— right-leaning, pro-Iraq war (neo)libertarian; essentially, Glenn Reynolds is the managing editor of the right side of the blogosphere, and linkage from Instapundit can make or break a post, a blog or a controversy. As Reynolds has noted in the past, "InstaPundit is not an unbiased news service. It consists entirely of my opinions and such links to factual items as I find interesting." Fortunately, Reynolds reads and links widely, and, if not unbiased, he's at least relatively even-handed.
...
(5) Hugh Hewitt— If you were to combine all three Powerline bloggers, Sean Hannity and any given Republican Party Chairman in some sort of GOP experiment to create the most reliable Republican pundit ever...you'd have Hugh Hewitt: the distilled essence of The Party Man.
...
(13) ScrappleFace; IMAO; Lileks; Cox and Forkum— Republicans are funny, too! Granted, they can't draw like Ted Rall, write like Mark Morford, or make people laugh like Michael Moore. But, really, that's a compliment.

Read the rest.

Update: I checked out the left-wing blog review again and I simply have to post this excerpt:

( Oliver Willis —- Ridiculously partisan shill who spends a lot of time complaining about how partisan other people are. Worth reading, if only for the frequent pretzel-logic and double-standards.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 08:37 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 235 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Hi All, I think that this recent backlash against Hugh is sort of strange. I heard his original talk-like-a-pirate day, and he hung up on people who would not give it a go! The guy admitted to piloting a snowmobile into a tree (pictures were available). Why was he not mentioned as being someone funny on the Right? This is not the sort of person who is a sycophant, or say a Mr. Factor with the embarrassing ego. Does anyone think that he is not a very smart and talented man? I think that he would destroy most of his critics in any debate. The Powerline lawyers did not side with Hugh who is also a lawyer in the Miers' debate (I tend to distrust lawyers generally, but I read many on the internet). If the point was that both sites contain very competent lawyers, then I would have to agree. My guess is that this is not what was meant. Lileks is in a totally different class. He predates everyone else listed as far as I know. I would not even presume that most of the conservative bloggers who are funny are Republican (I have always been an independent and have no desire to change as I am in one of the blue states). As for laughing and Michael Moore, are we laughing with him or at him? Mike

Posted by: Mike at November 07, 2005 09:47 AM (Q7mr/)

2 "I think that this recent backlash against Hugh is sort of strange." I don't. Hugh impugned the movtives of most of Miers' critics. He also made the following contradictory statements: 1) Con Law isn't that hard, so you don't need any judicial experience in it to understand 2) Most people probably don't understand the Con Law complexities of ::some case that I cannot remember exactly:: The final straw, though, was when Hugh posted in the NY Times after Miers withdrew her name, essentially blaming any and all future troubles of the Republican party, including but not limited to the 2008 presidential election, on conservatives who had the temerity to question the Miers' appointment. I believe that Allah made the following comment regarding Hugh over at Ace's place: "Fuck that guy." I disagree with the sentiment, as I believe that Hewitt is a staunch defender of things conservative. However, his tunnel vision, I'm-right-and-those-who-disagree-with-me-are-stupid-and-wrong, sanctimonious diatribes against people who usually side with him politically was pretty asshatted. Just my opinion, though. I could be wrong. But I doubt it.

Posted by: physics geek at November 07, 2005 02:52 PM (Xvrs7)

3 Hi PG, I found the whole Miers' debate strange. I thought that the choice was also strange. Miers was not anyone's first pick (I sort of wonder if it was Bush's first pick either). I can't know the vagaries of such a crazy political process (a brilliant long-term "strategery" or just a total miscalculation). What bothered me was the immediate nasty response from many conservatives whom I admire. They did not know much of anything about Miers, but were adamant about what a dire choice it was. Maybe it was, but how could they know so soon with little research and study? It seemed like mostly hubris to me. They later came up with more solid arguments than we expected better, but it took them a while. I was undecided through the whole thing, but I tended towards the arguments of Hedgehog, Beldar, and Hugh. I think they were cool and collected compared to many on the other side. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. The seeming incongruity about con-law statements by Hugh is easily explained I think (being trained in physics myself, I am only guessing--Hugh does tend to answer his e-mail, so you might try asking him). In the first statement which I recall him making on his radio show, he was referring to Supreme Court nominees (top lawyers--yes, even Miers). I do not know the context of your second supposedly contradictory statement by Hugh, but I suspect that he is talking about the general public. What might have been easy for Feynman is definitely not easy for most people (impossible in most cases--how is that for hubris? ). Mike P.S. I was a huge fan of Allah, but I do not know much about him at all. He stopped blogging before I got much of a handle on him. He was funny. If I wanted to hear drivel such as "Fuck...", I would check out the left side of the blogosphere. You characterize Hugh as writing sanctimonious diatribes, but after the withdrawal he had his movie guru come up with the top ten films about defeat. One man's diatribes are another's reasoned arguments. I thought that most people argued agreeably, but I thought your side generally got closer to crossing the line of civility. I know; you doubt it.

Posted by: Mike at November 11, 2005 12:37 AM (ewHjH)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Everyone has seen the rules for guys from women. Here's the response:

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, navel lint, the shotgun formation, golf, camping, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know that men don't really mind that? It's like camping.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:01 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 652 words, total size 3 kb.

Google has partnered with OpenOffice. Cool.

That sound you heard was Bill Gates sphincter tightening.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:41 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 27 words, total size 1 kb.

Four words or less. Check out the reviews for Serenity:

River: the Reaver Slayer

Whedon' need no Alliance

Posted by: Physics Geek at 04:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 30 words, total size 1 kb.

Okay, so the incident happened three years ago. An inquest is in progress, though. Excerpt:

A UNIVERSITY student died after being hurled 100ft through the air by a medieval-style "trebuchet" catapult, an inquest heard yesterday.

Kostydin Yankov, 19, an Oxford University student, suffered multiple injuries and serious spinal damage when he fell short of the safety net.

He was on a day trip with the extreme sports club, The Oxford Stunt Factory, to Bridgwater, Somerset, in November 2002 when tragedy struck.

A jury at Taunton Coroner's Court in Somerset heard that Kostydin - Dino to his friends - was the fifth person to be "fired" by the device on the day of his death. All four people who went before him landed at the nearest end of the safety net.

Posted by: Physics Geek at 10:08 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 136 words, total size 1 kb.